June 2013
So much porn on my dashboard
sex is a lot like a hot bath
once you get your balls in the worst part’s over and you can get your torso and arms and stuff in
i’ve never had sex
“I fucked the shit outta that bagel. Hahaha—look at you, eating that slut bagel. It was just sitting there, staring at me. It had to be done. That tight, round …Yeah! I don’t know if it was the placement of the poppyseeds or what, but, man—best bagel I’ve ever fucked. No—made love to.”
—Songs of Love: A Theatrical Mixtape (via fuckyeahgreatplays)
No idea what this play is, but I like it already.
“I think I’m hypoglycemic, I’m always tired, and I can’t poop.”
—Grace Adler, Will & Grace (via stalling)
A baby’s laughter is one of the most beautiful sounds you will ever hear. Unless it’s 3am. And you’re home alone. And you don’t have a baby.
- Valjean: After I suffered 19 years at Toulon, a sentence totally disproportionate to my crime...
- Sweeney: After I suffered 15 years in Australia, a sentence given despite my never committing a crime...
- Valjean: I thought I'd lost all faith in humanity.
- Sweeney: I thought I'd lost all faith in humanity.
- Valjean: And just when it seemed like I could finally start anew...
- Sweeney: And just when it seemed like I could finally fulfill my goals...
- Valjean: I was thrown into emotional turmoil at the world's kindness.
- Sweeney: I was thrown into emotional turmoil at the world's bad timing.
- Valjean: Now I'm hit by an epiphany.
- Sweeney: Now I'm hit by an epiphany.
- Valjean: I have to become a better person.
- Sweeney: I have to kill motherfucking EVERYONE.
babies cry because they know how much debt they’re going to be in once they graduate from college
